Tourist Trap

On a journey of 4,000 miles across the good ole’ U.S.A. you’ll notice dozens of weird little tourist traps tucked into the most obscure corners of the world. Minnesota is apparently great for this.

The land of a thousand lakes is also home to the world’s biggest crow and the world’s largest “booming” prairie chicken, whatever the hell that is.

At one point my mother-in-law asked me if I could look up where Darwin, Minnesota is. When I asked her why she excitedly proclaimed, “That’s where the world’s biggest ball of twine is.”

I believe that also makes Darwin, Minnesota home to the world’s biggest waste of time.

We did hit up two tourist traps along the way, though, the first of which was the world’s biggest Jolly Green Giant, located in Blue Earth, Minnesota.

True to form, this thing is in the middle of nowhere nestled behind a Dairy Queen and a horse pen. We spent about 10 minutes there and I was able to capture a great selfie of me, my son, and the Jolly Green Giant’s taint. Thus far, this probably ranks as the highlight of my trip.

The second tourist trap we hit up was the famous “Wall Drug.” Up until last week I never heard of it but apparently it’s all the rave out West. Every 30 feet on I-90 there is a billboard for Wall Drug. They either have the world’s biggest marketing budget, or they get them incredibly cheap because there are no other businesses in South Dakota and if the billboard company didn’t sell them to Wall Drug then most of them would just look like this:

We actually stayed the evening in the town of Wall which meant Wall Drug was a mere four block hop from out motel. You read that right. Motel.

It turns out, Wall Drug is like that giant Christmas present under the tree that you save for last — it looks big and exciting so you hedge your bet that it’s going to be great. But then when you open it, you realize it’s just bed sheets.

That’s what Wall Drug is: A giant Christmas present full of queen-size bed sheets.

Aisle after aisle of overpriced junk and underwhelming excitement. I read on a billboard there that during peak season, 20,000 people per day visit Wall Drug. That makes it home to the world’s biggest collective sigh.

And if you didn’t realize it, out west there is also a beautiful “Corn Palace.” My mother-in-law was really excited about it because apparently it’s this the world’s only palace made entirely out of corn.

Of course it’s the only palace made of corn. If there were two people would give even less of a shit.

Unfortunately we didn’t make it there because I was driving and wouldn’t you know it — silly me — I blew right by the exit because I wasn’t paying attention.

Nope, wasn’t paying attention at all….

If you enjoyed this post then we know you’d love reading Jason’s book “You’ve Got to be Shitting Me: One Man’s Nine Funniest Poop Stories” available for the Kindle and Kindle App at Amazon.com.

And to keep up-to-date on our newest stuff, like our Facebook page at Facebook.com/BigFunnyBlog.